Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Random notes on life, June 2015

I don't write much these days (for fun, anyway), but every once in a while I'd like to stop by this space and drop a snapshot of life in the moment.  I feel like I will regret it if I don't - life is passing at lightning speed, kids are growing, wrinkles are appearing, (no gray hairs yet, but I'm waiting for it), and the pace of change is merciless.  But here's where we are right now.

- Amaliya has a whole slew of imaginary friends right now.  Pluto, her fishy (she calls dogs "fishies" for some reason. Pluto is the stuffed dog lovey that she sleeps with), Crab (an imaginary crab that is "super cute" and who likes to perch on our bellies while we watch TV), and Macho (not sure what Macho is, but he's an A-hole with a capital 'A' and is blamed for all the messes and disobedience taking place in our house these days).  She refers to them all as her best friends. 

- Her other best friend is.... my feet.  She talks to my toes.  She occasionally tells ME to be quiet so she can talk to Toes.  She's much nicer to Toes, anyway.  She confides in them, tells them about her favorite things and what makes her sad.  She insists that toes give her hugs and kisses at night (note: I shower a lot more often these days).  Is this weird?  I mean, by the standards of preschoolers, where does it fall on the spectrum of "strange?"  I'm going with it.  It's adorable.

- I was wrong to expect peace during this stage of our lives.  Careers need to be grown, families are destined to expand, our responsibilities seem to increase by the day. I feel like a walking circus act - the lady with a dozen plates spinning on delicate poles, who looks masterful from a distance but is always in danger of dropping one and ruining the whole illusion of ease and perfection.  Just when you get comfortable, feel like everything is stable and balanced, someone throws a new plate at you.  But can I confess something?...

- ... I love it.  I do much better with too much responsibility than I do with not enough.  It's my Type A side, I suppose.  The more control I have, the more decisions I need to make, the more people relying on me, the more content I feel with my life.  I feel so good about where we stand right now - parenting is joyful, marriage is edifying, our material well-being is stable, and we are SO close to making some of our long-term dreams a reality.  I know there will be ups and downs in our future, but I think the greatest feeling is knowing, deep in your soul, that you will be able to weather any storms that may come.

- Now let's bring it back to Earth for a second, because life is never 100% perfect.  My primary struggle at the moment is with my physical health.  I'm trying to be transparent about our plans for a second baby, and the first step in those plans was for me to come off of hormonal birth control and return my body to a healthy, natural state.  It's been a rocky 6 weeks, in that respect. I've felt terrible most of the time, physically and mentally - I can sense my body struggling to find equilibrium, to restore it's natural rhythms after being chemically disrupted for so long.  I've been experimenting with essential oils and a few herbal supplements (maca root, etc), and hopefully in the next month or so I will begin to notice a change.

- In the meantime, I've been trying to make the most of this stage in our lives, with only one child who is at a perfect age for sleepovers with her grandparents and adventurous day trips.  I hope to have a few nights away with my husband this year.  There are a couple work trips coming up that I am looking forward to.  We have tickets to see The Lion King in October, from the front section of the orchestra (a dream come true).

This is where we are right now.  Busy, but at peace. Challenged, but content.  In a frenzy, but enjoying the moments of stillness.  All in all, deeply satisfied in life and love and ourselves.

I hope you can say the same, friends.  I really do.

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