Friday, August 8, 2014

Let it go.

If you burst into song when you read this post title, well, you probably have kids and must understand me on a deep, primal level.

You will understand, then, why I need to back away from this space for a little while.

When I set out my goals for 2014, I decided to be humble.  Conservative.  I spent the previous year aiming high and heaping the pressure on myself, only to end up constantly disappointed.  This year I made a conscious decision to relax, stop stressing about all that I "need to be," and enjoy a steady, slow-paced year.


Somewhere along the way, I also decided to stop worrying about what others think, stop doubting myself, and start acting without over-thinking.  I decided to do the things that scare me.  Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, but.... when I started taking charge of my life, instead of letting life happen to me... things started happening.  In a big way.

Training for a half-marathon, my most ambitious running goal of the year, was amazing.  Not to be cliche, but I learned so much about myself through those training runs - how I love the discipline of a plan, how I can do whatever it takes to pursue a goal if I am intrinsically motivated to do so, that I am never more at peace when I am alone with my thoughts in the hills of South Redlands.  I ran the half marathon, but I couldn't stop there.  I couldn't stand the thought of not going harder, longer, pushing myself further than I reasonably think I can go.  In June, I started a marathon training plan.

Earlier in the year, I did one of the most impulsive and brave things of my life.  I went up to a near-stranger and told him, "I want to work for you.  How can I make that happen?"  This began a process that culminated last week, when I started a new job.  A "big-girl" job.  A corporate-charge-card-holding, checking-emails-at-8pm, getting-on-the-occasional-airplane kind of job.  Any change,  even good, exciting change, can be overwhelming.  I am happy.  I am loving what I do.  I also feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water.

Add to this the fact that I'm in the middle of my last semester of grad school, we are hoping to move to a new apartment in the next 6 weeks, and the daily ups and downs of family life with an likewise ambitious husband and stubborn two-year-old, and well.... something has to give.

This space has meant so much to me over the years.  It has been my haven, the place where I sort my thoughts and record some of the most important moments in my life.  I will be back in October, hopefully writing weekly updates on the crazy/mundane (crundane?) happenings in my life.  For now, though, I need to step back.  For a little while at least, I am letting this go.

I'll have some recycled posts up to fill the space until I return.  Until then, friends, stay well and keep in touch - I'll be present as ever on my other social media outlets.

Love,  Kathleen

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