Moving on... I have to say, though pregnancy has not been entirely smooth sailing so far, I do feel like I've gotten off rather easy. I had a wonky appetite and nausea for the first trimester, but nothing crippling - I only puked 3 times (in case you were curious!) Fatigue, sure, but my normal levels of energy are usually intense to the point of being frightening, so it was kind of nice for me (and for everyone else I'm sure) to take a few guilt-free evenings off to lay around in bed, read and sleep. I still managed to work out at least 3 times a week, though with much lower intensity than I am accustomed to. And I felt.... I don't know, peaceful? You'd think, with all the uncertainties and changes experienced in the first trimester, it would have been reasonable to freak out a bit. I never felt really worried though - not cocky, not arrogantly certain that I was in control and things would be fine, just generally okay to go with the flow and accept whatever nature, and my body, handed me. It was nice.
|Non-existent little 12-week bump|
I know these are normal concerns and partially driven by an intense surge of hormones (I kid you not, I cry at just about everything these days. I cry because I'm too happy; I cry because I'm neither happy nor sad but feel like I should be; I cry when we run out of hummus, etc). Still, I really didn't think I'd be prone to so much doubt about this situation. This wasn't an "oops, we're pregnant." This was intentional, I wanted this, we are ready for it. Even so, I think I'm entitled to have mixed emotions about all the changes we are facing.
Despite the doubts and fears, all it takes is passing a baby in the grocery store or spending time with my friends' kids to realize that we made the right decision here. I picture all the positives that come with having a little one, all the joys and frustrations and sweet moments, and all my worries quickly become background noise. I already have so much love for this little 6-inch person kicking my bladder, and I know the next year is going to be one of the best, if most challenging, we've ever had.
|With my mother-in-law, playing on the beach|